I find it aggravating that I can’t seem to cross particular finish lines in my life. Myself as judge, I can’t seem to “arrive” at the winner’s circle of wife, mother, daughter, size 8, fulfilled career, organized home, organized family. Once, my eldest son was winning a relay race. He was so far ahead of his competitors that he was practically running alone. However, about 30 feet from the finish line, he jogged off the field. The people in the stands grew quiet trying to figure out why, he wasn’t injured, no signs of distress. Then, we realized he mistook a line on the track as the finish line and thought he was done. We began yelling “Get back on!” and waving our hands as if we could scoot him back on the field, encouraging him to continue. Thankfully, he realized what happened and hopped back on to finally cross the finish line.

Unlike the fixed finish line my son was running towards, I often feel mine keep moving away from me. Sometimes I get so discouraged I’d like to just trot off the field and call it done. However, God continues to encourage me forward. If I had a say in the matter, I’d be for crossing those winning lines as soon as possible so as to enjoy the benefits of the winner’s circle with no further delay!  So, in other words, I am all about the destination and less about the race.  Strangely, God is all about the race.

All my logic knows I will never cross the finish line exactly when and how I’d like to. Unfortunately, it’s that combination of destination and judgment where my thoughts tend to camp throughout the day. Of course, that’s the same place where insecurity resides, and I hate to admit it, but I spend far too many minutes of the day thinking about it. I seem to be in a race with myself.

Running a long race takes patience and perseverance. Unfortunately, when those traits were being passed out in heaven, I probably grew impatient with the line and decided to not persevere…

If learning patience and perseverance are God-delivered test (which, I fear they are), I also fear He keeps retesting while I continue failing. And, I can’t deny I contemplate with alarm He may have to continue to test me until …oh, dear, I don’t know when. This may be one of those life lessons that I learn by painfully small increments; progress will be measured in centimeters.

For a long time I considered the last testing of Jesus as described in Matthew 4 all about greed, but I realize now—my take on it, anyway—is it’s all about patience and perseverance. The devil offered him all splendors in all the lands, provided he’d switch his allegiance. The more I camp on this test, the more I disagree with my former assumption. I used to dismiss it to thinking the devil really didn’t understand Jesus like the rest of us did if he thought appealing to his greedy side for self-gain would be productive. The Jesus we know in the bible is never described as a person who could be bought with silver and gold. But maybe, it wasn’t that for which He was being tested. Maybe, it was patience and perseverance.

If you, say, loved people so much that you cried their tears, experienced their pain, provided healing miracles for those  who sought you out, wouldn’t it be much more a temptation if you could gain power NOW, resources NOW, access NOW to all those whom you could help? Could the thought of, “Imagine all those I could help right now if I simply claimed my Godhood?” cause you to pause? Jesus could have whatever he wanted and he didn’t need to worship the devil for it. Jesus could have chosen then and there to draw his own finish line and thereby administering help to the needy --and avoiding personal torture and death by achieving somewhat of the same (more immediate) ends but by different (and far less uncomfortable) means. That’s what Jesus could have done had he simply became master over his own finish line. But, instead of appealing to a personal agenda, He appealed to His Father's agenda—where patience and perseverance could not be avoided. He had to be patient for the events to unfold that needed to unfold on behalf of our welfare, and, He needed to persevere more than we could ever imagine doing so. Added to that, before reappearing to the masses, He even had to suffer the temporary judgment and disappointment from those who loved him while they considered he’d perhaps failed his mission!

Of course, Jesus, being perfect, and our example of perfection, did not falter. Not once. But I sure do. I falter every day when my expectations of life seem to collide with the will of My Father. After all, He tells me that the importance of my life is not about my arriving at all my finish lines, but about Him continuing the good works which He began in me, even after He calls me home. So, really, the only race I’m running is the one of patience and perseverance, not perfection! Everything else is simply distracting me while I run.

TB

There’s a commercial I heard decades ago that still rings in my head. Surprising; it had to do with motherhood and the message made it past my pre-motherhood, pre-marriage, brain. It went something like this: “How much does the world weigh? (A pause follows so you ponder just how much the world does weigh? Does it weigh anythingfloating around in space?? Do they mean in an atmosphere or without one? What kind of trick questions is this??)Then, it follows with the answer. “Just ask a single mother.”

Thankfully, I’m not single. I’ve had short glimpses of single-hood when R has been out of town. I’ve also considered it as a viable option during particularly brief hard times in our marriage. That being said, I can’t imagine a harder scenario than meeting all the needs of my children alone…except for one.

Meeting the needs of a child with learning difficulties; nowthat’s not for the weak-hearted. If heart ache, confrontation, late nights, and helpless feelings are not your forte, don’t ‘apply within’.

However, this motherhood job is not one we get to weigh out the pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses, beforehand, like interviewing for any other job. In a blink, we find ourselves“lifers” in the position—in it for the long-haul. And sometimes it feels like an endless haul, thousands of miles, on foot, uphill, the load resting squarely on our shoulders.

And it’s not the child that makes the burden heavy. They’re success, they’re happiness is our sweet relief, our rest stops…our reason we take the trip in first place. Dear God, how much we love those kids ….and question what You were thinking by giving them to us! The back breaking burden is in the relentless need to be a liaison between the needs of the child and to the world that influences our child’s future. Therein lays the nail biting, lip chewing, sometimes red-faced vein-popping response we experience as we hoist up our daily Rock of Gibraltar and move on. Because if we don’t, who will?

Today is one of these days for me. My heart stretched between gratitude and frustration. Gratitude because I’m thankful for the people in my children’s’ lives; frustration because those same caring people sometimes don’t realize where the holes are in my child’s abilities, and for whatever differing reason—sometimes knowledge, sometimes exhaustion, sometimes pride—they don’t want to, or can’t, fill in those holes. For example; teachers, knowing that they work awfully hard spreading that thin layer of themselves to reach the farthest corners they possibly can (again, thank God for caring teachers) but, in the end, what matters most is the child’s view of himself, and how he fits in the world around him.

Despite having a ton of compassion for others, I’m his mom. He’s young, they are adults. And as much as I want to dismiss, back-off, and gloss over for the sake of their very real needs and time constraints, the one that has to count the most-and the one for whom God gave me responsibility- is my child.

Sometimes bearing the responsibility of  these additional needs truly feels like the weight of the world. I'm sure many moms would respond in the like.

Yet, if I knew I alone was responsible for the outcome of my child’s future, this trip we take through life would, indeed, be a desperate one at best. Thankfully, it isn’t. Moms out there: the world is about to get a little lighter!

Keep in mind we were all once kids, ourselves. Many of us had –and  continue to have -- our own set of struggles. Yet, we find ourselves here; reading, comprehending, and raising children of our own. We had our own set of obstacles, or own set of challenges, our own set of influences- in school and outside of school, in our families and outside our homes-that got us to this moment where we now worry about those in our charge. So, here is a list I have packed somewhere in my brain; I pull it out when I think the world is getting just a bit too heavy and the road a bit too long…

1)     Our lives weren't accidents. We aren't some “phoenix rising from the ashes” of childhood due to just our own capabilites. Some coincidences or Someone must have had a hand in getting us here despite ourselves and often despite others. Since I believe there is too much coincidence in coincidence, I have to believe that leaves only the Someone. (Psalm 37:25--in fact, just read the whole thing! and Proverbs 16:2-3)

2) There are bigger lessons in life than Math, Literature, and learning a second language. It’s a lesson only the Lesson Planner fully understands, and He only gives the right ones—no busy work from Him! That goes for His plan for me AS WELL as His plan for my child. After all, my child is a giftfrom Him. He blessed me with him, but in the end, he’s His. Just as my child’s learning difficulties are in His plan, so are the answers. Plus, He not only takes my load and gives me His, His is lighter. (Matthew 11:29-30, Romans 8:16 Psalm 127:3)

3) God’s end result for my son is something wonderful. Just as seasons in life can be like seasons in a year, sometimes that rain falls awfully hard and in volume, but eventually, there are beautiful flowers and healthy trees to come. Not to belabor analogies, but just as the road can be long and sometimes painful, there’s so much beautiful scenery we not only get to see, but get to know intimately as we linger there for a while. And, you never know who might benefit later from directions you are able to give. Just as a shower, cool drink, and a chance to take a load off after a long trek feels so good to the body, so does knowing there’s a higher purpose—meant for good—feel good to the soul. (Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 16)

Hang in there, moms. You are NOT traveling alone, and the world is NOT yours to carry…this coming from someone down the road and up-ahead just a bit.

TB

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Each time I read this quote from Oscar Wilde, I have to chuckle a little more at it's honesty. I can't count how many times I've compared myself to other women whom I know, and even more pointlessly, to those I don't know. So many times I end up falsely labeling myself as "not as good as" or with a mistaken sense of superiority thinking I'm "better as",  as in, "At least my house is cleaner, ...my kids are better, ...my marriage is closer," etc.. (C'mon, isn't that why there's such success in Reality T.V? We all like to seek out reassurance that we have it all together---at least more than _________.) 

This works fine, until we come across someone else whom we seriously consider must be doing a better job than we are because, to use the above examples, her house seems cleaner, her kids happier, her marriage problem-free...blah-blah-blah.

What a crock.

Yep. That's what I meant.

The fact is, any moment in time is just that. Life is fluid, so are people. Therefore, one minute things may be coming up roses for someone and maybe their home is more organized, maybe they are enjoying a time of peace with their kids, and maybe they've achieved a place of security in their marriage! At least, for right now. Current success does not secure a problem-free future. Not that we'd ever want to glory in someone's disappointment, but this is life, folks, and it applies to all of us! Rain falls on all of us.

However, just as their success doesn't necessarily proclaim their prowess, nor does it magnify our weaknessess. Unless we let it.

There is such peace in living a transparent life; not trying to assume a persona that attempts to convince others we have it all together. Whether we are at a rare place where it all just seems to flow right, or whether we are in times of turbulence, not only is it peaceful to just "be" where we're at, but also to know other women in our lives are not assigning judgment to where they see us at.

How would the culture of women change if we all attempted to connect to the soul of other women; the internal workings that we all have in common; the basic needs of humanity we all share? In other words, giving each other the benefit of the doubt; the gift of grace over the gavel of judgement.

This, of course, can only begin when we break that chain and stop assigning judgement to their lives. To rephrase; if there's to be change, let it begin with me.

I am blessed for knowing a core of women who share this philosophy of grace vs judgement. What a blessing they are because it allows us the freedom to be ourselves.

And incredibly, how ironic it is that often in the freedom of being ourselves, we actually do begin a process of improvement; becoming more self confident, more positive, more industrious. These traits do influence other positive situations in our lives.

Blessings in this New Year. May it bring us all closer to the person God has in mind.
TB

To give and take....for granted.

Thefreedictionary.com:

"take for granted

1. To consider as true, real, or forthcoming; anticipate correctly.

2. To underestimate the value of: "

Motherhood is not for sissies.

There is a gift of motherhood of which I was not aware. I had no idea just how sacrificial this gift of love could become, and pray I do not experience it in its fullest when my kids grow into adults. The gift of having a mother who is true, real,...forthcoming", and one who can be "anticipate[d] correctly "(in other words, relied upon) is truly a gift. By definition, it is a gift to the receiver,  but comes at a cost to the giver in the form of becoming underestimated and undervalued.

A small child often takes for granted the one relationship they can rely on the most; naturally (if the parents have done it right) it is because it feels the safest. However, how often does this gift of love get rewrapped and gifted back in a package of  resentment, criticism, and even blame?

I've seen this in the example of a divorce. I have seen it where the mother stands by her kids, raising them, making sure their needs were met, seeing them well into their adults years; while the father, who practically abandoned the family, makes contact only on brief instances throughout their lives. Astonishingly, whenever there's  a fuss to be made, it is usually laying blame on what the mom did, said, didn't do, didn't say, etc. Oddly, even after years, no blame is identified as the father's. I find this peculiar and, quite honestly, an elephant in the room which dare not be identified lest the receiver scoff and bristle at such an intrusive observation.

I have two teenagers. We are now beginning to sail into the murkier waters of disagreements between an adult who's 'been there' and a teenager who things they know better. I am also sandwiched between this reality of mine and the reality of some mothers who have gone before me who experienced the situation mentioned above. Although, thankfully, not divorced, I am painfully aware there will be battles along the way that could somehow entrench a belief or judgment into my kids about me whose resentment I may never shake. Wrong or not, perception is someone's reality. The fear of estrangement- from a misaligned and even ignorant comment which could forever mar our relationship due to resentment- kills me. I know this reality lives because I've witnessed it. I am just now beginning to understand that selfless gift of love. I could potentially raise two children, who at some time make a decision that I am to blame for some unfortunate view...or turn..or perception in their lives, and thereby reason that by emotionally distancing themselves from me, it will solve their problems. That loss is so unfortunate, so misplaced, yet so real.

To be taken for granted means the person who was true, real, forthcoming and reliable is at the same time losing their value. The gift is the ability to rely on someone so much that you live your life not even realizing what all they've contributed so you can do so. It is like a young child who does not need to worry about their next meal or if someone will meet their needy cry. They become so trusting to it that the possibility of it not being there is never entertained. The gift of reliability doesn't end at childhood, however. The giver is still just as focused on that gift in later years as in the early ones.

It is an amazing gift to love so much that you make yourself vulnerable  to becoming "Taken for Granted"

~TB 

More deadheading

I love spring in Texas. However, if it weren't for the fact that each Texas spring didn't somehow make me feel we were getting preferential treatment compared to our northern friends, I'd be dreading the quick approach of those really hot Texas summers. But for now, I, like my flowers, begin to unfold in the gentle warmth of the sun.

Spring is not only a time for new growth, new possibilities, new potential, but also a time for serious spring cleaning. I get the "urge to purge" my clutter, my junk, and sometimes my ways of thinking. This is what I think about while making my way from one plant to the other; dead-heading as I go. I enjoy this process; cleaning out the blossoms that are faded, or shriveled, or cripsy-brown and obviously dead. I think what I love most is anticipating the beauty of the plant when it regenerates itself into more blossoms, replacing what didn't flourish with what does.

So, all of this reminds me of a conversation I had with my teenage son recently. Although I am thinking flowers, he was talking relationships; and yet on this these two topics meet. We have a lot of clutter in our lives. Much of this clutter is actions things; things we should have done and didn't, or shouldn't do, and did. But some of this clutter resembles relationships in our lives. Not to reduce people to clutter, that is the farthest from my point, but let's be honest, sometimes it's relationships and personalities that aren't healthy for us, nor us for them, and these less-than-flourishing relationships could use a good deadheading so other relationships can flourish. We have a finite amount of time and space in our lives. It is unrealistic to entertain an idea that we can be friends with everyone in such a way that we help eachother grow. It take time and effort to grow anything, including relationships. If we think we can devote our time and attention to everyone equally in our lives, we need to remove those rose-tinted glasses and see life in the bright contrast of reality. Some relationships are not healthy, especially when, despite the one person trying to help, the other refuses to see the light. I see frustration played out in the lives of teenagers as well as in grown women. Sometimes we've got to know when it is time to part ways. That doesn't mean we don't care, it just means room must be made for other relationships to flourish. Sometimes a different gardner is needed to continue the pruning, and our job is to accept we are not Him.

MORE

more = adj. greater; further; additional. adv. To a greater extent or degree; further.

While the world is touting "less is more", or implying that life is good, "more or less", I begin to say....well, I want more. But I'm not talking reality-tv-I-want-more (money, fame, power, success...), I'm talking more life in my life. And I'm not the only woman who feels this way (read: there's many more of you out there nodding your heads in agreement!)

Unfortunately, "more" has become synonymous with greedy. If I'm greedy for wanting a life of more, so be it; I'm greedy. But I'll venture that in my greed for more, my husband, my kids, and those whom I care about will benefit from my "more", because how much easier it is to share when there's plenty!  The world of "more" is opening my eyes, and maybe it will yours, too. Before you go thinking limits on "more", realize it is a much larger subject than confined by how our society displays it. "More" expands the possibilities of people individually and globally. It can redefine outcomes of situations that are dire to situations celebratory; it defines a life lived full, and a life like that touches more benefits others in ways we could never tally.

If you are nodding with agreement, all the while looking guiltily at your feet, let me expound a bit on this concept of more. In the book of John 10:10, in the Bible (close to the back for all of you who are where I used to be--clueless on these things), Jesus says this: "A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy, I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance." (HCSB translation) Some other translations say, "...to have life, and have it to the full". (NIV) The word abundance (and concept of "to the full") at first blush in our English transcription may not send a thrill, necessarily. But let the original Greek context be entertained: perissos (per-is-sos'), as described in The New Strong's Expanded Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, describes perissos "in the sense of beyond; superabundant (in quantity) or superior (in quality); by impl. excessive;" and in the case of John 10:10, particularly, is meant as "more abundantly”. Can you imagine that? As if all the descriptions of perissos isn't incredible in its own right, a "more" is added. That, my friends, is how we are to have life. So don't apologetically mumble that you want "more" in your life. With head held high shout it out! Let's try it together, "I want "MORE" life!" There. Now we are fellow sojourners on discovering a life of more. Welcome.

So, while my feet still touch this earth, I'd like to take Jesus up on His offer of providing me a more abundant life. With God's help,
I plan to deliberately live a "greater" life, to push myself "further", to add experiences and joys in "addition" to life currently; and to live my years to a "greater extent or degree" discovering "more". 

Until next time!