There’s a commercial I heard decades ago that still rings in my head. Surprising; it had to do with motherhood and the message made it past my pre-motherhood, pre-marriage, brain. It went something like this: “How much does the world weigh? (A pause follows so you ponder just how much the world does weigh? Does it weigh anythingfloating around in space?? Do they mean in an atmosphere or without one? What kind of trick questions is this??)Then, it follows with the answer. “Just ask a single mother.”
Thankfully, I’m not single. I’ve had short glimpses of single-hood when R has been out of town. I’ve also considered it as a viable option during particularly brief hard times in our marriage. That being said, I can’t imagine a harder scenario than meeting all the needs of my children alone…except for one.
Meeting the needs of a child with learning difficulties; nowthat’s not for the weak-hearted. If heart ache, confrontation, late nights, and helpless feelings are not your forte, don’t ‘apply within’.
However, this motherhood job is not one we get to weigh out the pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses, beforehand, like interviewing for any other job. In a blink, we find ourselves“lifers” in the position—in it for the long-haul. And sometimes it feels like an endless haul, thousands of miles, on foot, uphill, the load resting squarely on our shoulders.
And it’s not the child that makes the burden heavy. They’re success, they’re happiness is our sweet relief, our rest stops…our reason we take the trip in first place. Dear God, how much we love those kids ….and question what You were thinking by giving them to us! The back breaking burden is in the relentless need to be a liaison between the needs of the child and to the world that influences our child’s future. Therein lays the nail biting, lip chewing, sometimes red-faced vein-popping response we experience as we hoist up our daily Rock of Gibraltar and move on. Because if we don’t, who will?
Today is one of these days for me. My heart stretched between gratitude and frustration. Gratitude because I’m thankful for the people in my children’s’ lives; frustration because those same caring people sometimes don’t realize where the holes are in my child’s abilities, and for whatever differing reason—sometimes knowledge, sometimes exhaustion, sometimes pride—they don’t want to, or can’t, fill in those holes. For example; teachers, knowing that they work awfully hard spreading that thin layer of themselves to reach the farthest corners they possibly can (again, thank God for caring teachers) but, in the end, what matters most is the child’s view of himself, and how he fits in the world around him.
Despite having a ton of compassion for others, I’m his mom. He’s young, they are adults. And as much as I want to dismiss, back-off, and gloss over for the sake of their very real needs and time constraints, the one that has to count the most-and the one for whom God gave me responsibility- is my child.
Sometimes bearing the responsibility of these additional needs truly feels like the weight of the world. I'm sure many moms would respond in the like.
Yet, if I knew I alone was responsible for the outcome of my child’s future, this trip we take through life would, indeed, be a desperate one at best. Thankfully, it isn’t. Moms out there: the world is about to get a little lighter!
Keep in mind we were all once kids, ourselves. Many of us had –and continue to have -- our own set of struggles. Yet, we find ourselves here; reading, comprehending, and raising children of our own. We had our own set of obstacles, or own set of challenges, our own set of influences- in school and outside of school, in our families and outside our homes-that got us to this moment where we now worry about those in our charge. So, here is a list I have packed somewhere in my brain; I pull it out when I think the world is getting just a bit too heavy and the road a bit too long…
1) Our lives weren't accidents. We aren't some “phoenix rising from the ashes” of childhood due to just our own capabilites. Some coincidences or Someone must have had a hand in getting us here despite ourselves and often despite others. Since I believe there is too much coincidence in coincidence, I have to believe that leaves only the Someone. (Psalm 37:25--in fact, just read the whole thing! and Proverbs 16:2-3)
2) There are bigger lessons in life than Math, Literature, and learning a second language. It’s a lesson only the Lesson Planner fully understands, and He only gives the right ones—no busy work from Him! That goes for His plan for me AS WELL as His plan for my child. After all, my child is a giftfrom Him. He blessed me with him, but in the end, he’s His. Just as my child’s learning difficulties are in His plan, so are the answers. Plus, He not only takes my load and gives me His, His is lighter. (Matthew 11:29-30, Romans 8:16 Psalm 127:3)
3) God’s end result for my son is something wonderful. Just as seasons in life can be like seasons in a year, sometimes that rain falls awfully hard and in volume, but eventually, there are beautiful flowers and healthy trees to come. Not to belabor analogies, but just as the road can be long and sometimes painful, there’s so much beautiful scenery we not only get to see, but get to know intimately as we linger there for a while. And, you never know who might benefit later from directions you are able to give. Just as a shower, cool drink, and a chance to take a load off after a long trek feels so good to the body, so does knowing there’s a higher purpose—meant for good—feel good to the soul. (Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 16)
Hang in there, moms. You are NOT traveling alone, and the world is NOT yours to carry…this coming from someone down the road and up-ahead just a bit.
TB
