Thefreedictionary.com:
"take for granted
1. To consider as true, real, or forthcoming; anticipate correctly.
2. To underestimate the value of: "
Motherhood is not for sissies.
There is a gift of motherhood of which I was not aware. I had no idea just how sacrificial this gift of love could become, and pray I do not experience it in its fullest when my kids grow into adults. The gift of having a mother who is true, real,...forthcoming", and one who can be "anticipate[d] correctly "(in other words, relied upon) is truly a gift. By definition, it is a gift to the receiver, but comes at a cost to the giver in the form of becoming underestimated and undervalued.
A small child often takes for granted the one relationship they can rely on the most; naturally (if the parents have done it right) it is because it feels the safest. However, how often does this gift of love get rewrapped and gifted back in a package of resentment, criticism, and even blame?
I've seen this in the example of a divorce. I have seen it where the mother stands by her kids, raising them, making sure their needs were met, seeing them well into their adults years; while the father, who practically abandoned the family, makes contact only on brief instances throughout their lives. Astonishingly, whenever there's a fuss to be made, it is usually laying blame on what the mom did, said, didn't do, didn't say, etc. Oddly, even after years, no blame is identified as the father's. I find this peculiar and, quite honestly, an elephant in the room which dare not be identified lest the receiver scoff and bristle at such an intrusive observation.
I have two teenagers. We are now beginning to sail into the murkier waters of disagreements between an adult who's 'been there' and a teenager who things they know better. I am also sandwiched between this reality of mine and the reality of some mothers who have gone before me who experienced the situation mentioned above. Although, thankfully, not divorced, I am painfully aware there will be battles along the way that could somehow entrench a belief or judgment into my kids about me whose resentment I may never shake. Wrong or not, perception is someone's reality. The fear of estrangement- from a misaligned and even ignorant comment which could forever mar our relationship due to resentment- kills me. I know this reality lives because I've witnessed it. I am just now beginning to understand that selfless gift of love. I could potentially raise two children, who at some time make a decision that I am to blame for some unfortunate view...or turn..or perception in their lives, and thereby reason that by emotionally distancing themselves from me, it will solve their problems. That loss is so unfortunate, so misplaced, yet so real.
To be taken for granted means the person who was true, real, forthcoming and reliable is at the same time losing their value. The gift is the ability to rely on someone so much that you live your life not even realizing what all they've contributed so you can do so. It is like a young child who does not need to worry about their next meal or if someone will meet their needy cry. They become so trusting to it that the possibility of it not being there is never entertained. The gift of reliability doesn't end at childhood, however. The giver is still just as focused on that gift in later years as in the early ones.
It is an amazing gift to love so much that you make yourself vulnerable to becoming "Taken for Granted"
~TB
